Looking Back On 2020
As a collective, as a planet, as a global community, 2020 was a lot. Among the Black global community, 2020 was a lot. As a Nigerian, as a human, 2020 was a lot.
However, I am not looking back at 2020 as just a part of these communities or these interconnected collectives, I am also looking back at it as a person. It feels tone-deaf and almost horrible to say 2020 was a good year for me as a person. I guess this is one of those situations where two or more things are true at once. There was a pandemic this year that sucked on a global level. There was the Black Lives Matter movement which reminded and showed us how fucked up our world still is on many different levels. There was the ENDSARS movement in Nigeria which was empowering, enlightening, soul-crushing, awful, and destroyed a part of me.
2020
The pandemic scared me. I am a freelance writer and journalist. I don’t work for just one publication. I don’t have a steady job and when the pandemic started, I watched many lose their jobs. Media globally was hit horribly by the pandemic. The thought of losing income led to me having several panic attacks for days on end. I didn’t tell anyone because it wouldn’t have changed the outcome and it felt selfish being worried the way I was. I was blessed (I was going to say ‘lucky’ then I remembeedr the Nicki Minaj line ‘no I’m not lucky, I’m blessed.’ ) enough that I didn’t lose income. I hit my earning goals this year, several times.
2020 showed me that I may have perfected the art of thriving in chaos, of being propelled to great heights by my anxiety and fear of failure. This is something I am looking to deal with in the near future. 2020 also showed that I am a creature of habit, who slips into his routine because he enjoys and needs the safety that comes with the routine. During the early months of 2020, i. found a routine that worked. I woke up, worked out, showered, wrote, ate, watched Netflix, slept at the same time every afternoon, woke up, did emails, went on a walk, had dinner, and then hopped on a call with my partner before sleeping. I think I thrived in those moments. Finding order while the world burn is something I seem to be good at.
There are many things I planned to do that sadly couldn’t. I wanted to graduate from the University, I wanted to travel to the United States, I wanted to travel to Ghana, I wanted to go to a live concert, I wanted to host more parties and I wanted to go on more press trips. These things did not happen. I also lost people. Beautiful and amazing people who should still be here. I think we all did. We all knew loss in someway this way, some more than others.
Highlights
I like to think I won this year. Amid the chaos, I won. This year, I gained several new bylines and many of them were in my dream publications. I joined KANTAR as a consultant. I also became a stringer for Reuters and I became a contributing writer at OkayAfrica. I got to interview and profile Oxalde for WeTransfer and worked with Stephen Tayo for it, I profiled Mr. Eazi for MIC, and Oumou Sangare for OkayAfrica. I wrote for British Vogue and ELLE, two publications that made me get interested in writing and publishing as a child.
I am perhaps most proud of the stories I got to tell. I wrote about things I really wanted to write about. I wrote about gay porn stars for Dazed and gay conversion therapy for VICE and was able to still switch gears to write about fashion designers for NYLON. This year, I got published in print several times thanks to Mail and Guardian. I also wrote an essay that will be published in. an anthology published by Penguin Randomhouse.
I also got so many neat opportunities outside of writing because of writing. I was part of a campaign for Orange Culture, I was a panelist and spoke at Wits University in South Africa for the African Investigative Journalism Conference, the Diversity Summit 2020, and more. I got so many recognitions both in form of awards, nominations, and inclusion in lists that I think I’ll skip listing them but I am grateful. Being seen, appreciated, and recognized is something I don’t think for granted.
However, when it comes to writing, I think my favorite achievement this year is establishing myself to the point people know of me and my work. To have a recognizable and appreciated body of work is something I am truly grateful. I didn’t need to pitch as much as I did last year. Most of my commissions and jobs this year came from being approached by editors and clients. That is a huge personal and career win for me.
This year, I started therapy. I started recognizing my trauma and how it has and is shaping me. I started working on creating boundaries and being more selfish. I gained weight which I actually liked. I also celebrated my birthday this year and for the second time ever, I had cake. I watched a lot more TV this year than ever. If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know I have been trying to work on my gap in pop culture education so I have been working my way through all the classics and contemporary shows that I missed. One of the best things I did this year is finally binging Game of Thrones.
This year, I found love. I am happy about that.
Moving Forward
In 2021, I hope to watch a lot more TV. I want to laugh a lot more. I want to travel more, within and outside Nigeria. I want to do the work that gives me joy a lot more and be paid a lot more for it. I want to do the work on myself and my trauma. I want to read more. I want to do more than exist and survive, I want to thrive. I want to be able to love myself and take care of myself the way I deserve and want.
I want to go Above and Beyoncé in 2021.
I hope 2021 is good for me, for mine, for you, and for yours.
